Introduction To Reminiscence And Alcohol-induced Truth-telling
by bauble123
Summary: Pierce and the dean are set up by the study group to meet up at Jeff's flat, having been excluded from Jeff's birthday party. Thanks to some alcohol, they reminisce about all the rejection they've faced thanks to the study group, more specifically from Jeff.
1. One: the Pierce problem

_Please note that much of this is designed to be read in the voice they used to voice-over Pillows and Blankets._

**Introduction to reminiscence and alcohol-induced truth-telling.**

_"Jeffrey. I love you with all my heart - if only you would notice me, or see me for who I am, not some ridiculed figure of the establishment. I have never felt this way about anyone before, and yet you just shove it back in my face and continue to ignore me..." - _an extract from Dean Pelton's diary, discovered by Troy and Abed while on a spy mission.

_"Jeff is a bastard. I like him for that." _- Pierce Hawthorn, confidentially to Britta Perry.

On a fateful night in November 2014, Pierce Hawthorn, the dried up heir to a moist towelett empire and Dean Pelton, long-standing head of Greendale community college and habitual cross-dresser, were brought together by a horrible incident.

A few weeks before, the study group, excluding Pierce, had had a conversation. They were sitting round the table in the study room.

"So, it's settled then, we have my birthday party this Friday, at Abed, Troy and Annie's place so we can avoid the dean." Jeff was matter of fact.

"Sounds good to me." Said Annie brightly, much excited that Jeff's party was to be held at her flat. Everyone else chorused their agreement, with Shirley adding:

"I'll bring cake."

"That just leaves us with the Pierce problem." Jeff continued. Everyone groaned. "Okay, okay, I know, but it has to be done. Anyone got any ideas?"

"We could tell him there's a drinking game night going on here." Annie suggested.

"No. He'd expect us to go with him."

"Well then how about we just drug him?" Abed put in.

"Yeah." Troy said, backing up his friend. "Like in that Japanese film we saw yesterday."

"Yes."

"No. You remember what happened when I moved into your place." Annie said, vehemently, shuddering as she recalled it.

"Oh, yeah..."

"We want to get rid of the dean and Pierce, right?" Britta said, leaning forward.

"Yeah. What about it?" Jeff crossed his arms and gave her his most cynical stare.

"Well, why don't we put them together? Like, tell them both they're invited to a special surprise party for Jeff at his flat. They can go, and knowing how stupid those two are, they'll probably think we're all just arriving a bit later. That kills two birds with one stone."

"I guess." Shirley seemed unconvinced.

"What's wrong with it?" Queried Britta.

"I don't think I like all this lying."

"Oh come on Shirley. Get a grip." Jeff stood up, pushing his chair back from the table. "It's actually an okay idea, which is surprising considering Britta came up with it."

"Hey!"

"Whatever. Annie, go invite the dean. He'll trust you. Troy, you can do Pierce."

"Fine." The respective parties left, and did as they were told.

* * *

><p>Craig Pelton (better known as The Dean) was readying himself for Jeff's surprise party. He had tried on numerous outfits, mulling over a "normal masculine" look consisting of a green t-shirt and a pair of jeans, a sparkly pink concoction, a hanger draped in aquamarine netting and tulle and plenty more. Eventually he decided on the classic "little black dress" then decided it might alienate Jeff, and switched to a stripy blue cardigan, a cream shirt and pair of beige trousers. He looked in the mirror, rubbing his head with a little perfume and raking a comb through his non-existent hair. Since it was a party, a smidgen of mascara and lipstick was allowable, and a dab of rouge. Then, taking up the bottle of white wine and the expensive champagne he had bought for Jeff, he left.<p>

* * *

><p>Pierce picked up the small gift he had bought. "See you, Gilbert!" he called. There was some mumble of reply, but Pierce didn't listen; he didn't care. He wouldn't let on but really he was quite excited that finally he was being accepted by the group, invited to a party for Jeff, of all people. He flagged up a taxi, making a face at the black driver and saying: "you must be from Africa, huh? Hot place, that."<p>

"I'm from Greendale." the driver said, looking in a slightly terrified way at the old man sitting in the back of his cab.


	2. Two:vodka and scotch in wine glasses

By some wayward miracle of nature, the Dean and Pierce arrived outside Jeff's flat at exactly the same time, bumping into one another. Haughtily not talking to one another, they entered the flat, jostling each other in their eagerness for acceptance. They came into the room. There was no-one there. The room was entirely empty, save for a forlorn looking note that sat on the coffee table: _Had to go and see my_ _mother. _It read. _Will be back ASAP. Wait for me. Jeff._ The Dean eagerly snatched up the note and stuffed it in his pocket. Pierce seated himself, lounging on Jeff's sofa. He surveyed the two bottles of wine and the large bottle of champagne the Dean had placed on the table.

"What's with all this sissy stuff?" he asked.

"I'll have you know," said the Dean, primly, sitting down on the other sofa. "That that is the finest French wine, Bourgnone chardonnay, no less, and Chateau Monbazillac. And the champagne was shipped direct from France - I spare no expense when it comes to Jeffrey." The Dean's features softened and he looked up with an expression of longing.

"Right. Just because it's from France you think it's better than anything else."

"Well, yes."

"It's barely alcohol. You need a good scotch, or some red wine - the white stuff's for girls."

"I beg to differ."

"Exactly - you beg. Girls always beg." Pierce stood up and went over to rummage through Jeff's cupboards. Eventually he found some whiskey and vodka. He picked up the bottles and brought them over to the table. "These are what you want."

"Hadn't you better get some shot glasses?"

"No. Shot glasses are for babies who can't handle their drink."

"Oh..."

"You want these." Pierce took two large wine glasses from the counter and filled them each half with whiskey. He then topped up the rest with vodka.

"That's a lot..."

"No, it's not. You'll feel all the better for it." Pierce grabbed a spoon from one of Jeff's drawers and mixed the two drinks. "Here." He handed the Dean a glass and took the other for himself. Then he reclined on the sofa and took a swig of alcohol. "Ah, heaven." The Dean took a demure little sip and began to cough uncontrollably.

"It's s-s-so s-strong!" he spluttered.

"I know. Good, isn't it?"

"I suppose." The Dean took another sip, and another. He needed to drown his sorrows; Jeff wasn't there and he was forced to hang around with Pierce.

* * *

><p>Half an hour later and the two of them were more than a little tipsy. In fact, they were probably down right drunk. Pierce was on his third glass of scotch-vodka mix. The Dean had spilled half of his and had disliked it so now an empty champagne glass dangled from his outstretched arm. He had had half a large glass of scotch and vodka, a glass of Chardonnay and another of champagne.<p>

"You know," the Dean began, drunkenly. "That shtudy group - I mean, study group - have jusht been abushing, I mean, abushing, abusing," he finally got the word right. "My hoshpitality. They are nothing, nothing but - but - but rejection. Yesh. Rejecshun."

"I know. They act like, like they want me, but really they jusht can't wait for me to..." Pierce broke off, searching for the word. "You know, not breathing, cold, inna, inna coffee-"

"Dead?"

"Yeah, tha'sh right. Dead. They jusht can't wait for me to dead." He stopped, looking quizzical - something about that sentence sounded wrong. "Jeff, he, he says "oh, Pierce, come on down to the barber's with me and then... and then...I find out he'sh jusht doing it because they told him to. Tha's jusht mean, you know?"

"Yeah... Jeff never notices me. I...I...I... I bought us a cat... Mr Twinklesh - I mean, we adopted it together... Well, I shigned all the papers but it was for Jeff too and then he... he just dishmisses it like nothing ever happened between ush, I mean, us... He tangos with me at the Hunger Deansh and I can - I can _shee_ the passion in hish eyes and then he jusht ignores me again..."


End file.
